Friday, July 21, 2006

Children have simple, absorbing and adjusting minds at work and how are we parents responsible in shaping their minds

We parents try to make the lives of our children so complicated. Here is the story of my older son Siddhant.

Went to India on October 2005 and back on Jan 2006, this little kid adjusted to sleep in the noise and portable crib we had taken for him. Adjusted to the new people with little starnger anxiety, with parents and grandparents help started overcoming that fear. Then after 3 months of long stay in India, he was back to his home in Boston and adjusted. No comlications and questions, as long as everything was explained to him to his liking.

Then pranav was born! Siddhant had just turned 18 months. Though he was in his own world, he cooperated well with his parents and helped all of us into adjusting with the new baby. One month later, we shifted him into a twin bed , saying "new new bed". He was so excited, that he accepted that move from his crib to the twin bed. We were surprised, we thought we would have to do a lot of cajoling to do, but nothing.

So many changes and no questions asked. Such an uncomplicated mind he has. The thought that we parents are the only people he has to hold and come to and absorb the things we ask him simply an amazing mind at work. We are his security and thats all he needs and once that is assured he is happy.

I have slowly begun to appreciate this childs mind and this has helped me control my emotions of anger and irritation. I do mean controling my mind and undertstand how difficult it is to control our own minds. In this process i am trying to channel my childs mind unconciously with my thoughts. Fears arise in me sometimes, shaping of this tiny little mind of the child is in my hands. Fears arise what are the consequences of my negative emotions on my child.

I am dealing with those fears and emotions myself and am trying to see how i can teach the same to him, this way i am controlling my own emotions and accepting them as normal and also teaching my child what emotions are. I hope this kind of emotional management is going to help the family in the long run and also help my children in a path towards emotional security and independence.

Why kids sleeping on their own is valued

My theory of letting the kids sleep on their own is - it gives the mom and dad a chance be sane parents.

Research says that it helps the child to be a better child and succeed in life.... i am not sure about that :). Children over many generations have been rocked by parents or in the cradle, i am sure those children have been very much successfull.

I might agree on the point that it does help find the security they need in themselves and also its the path towards emotional independence. Emotional independence is something that can be debated on and i think its a topic in itself to write about.

Siddhant has been sleeping on his own for the past year now, and i am not sure whether I see much of the emotional independence in him that he is supposed to have. My hope is that, this sets the precedence towards that path.

How the handling the 2nd kido is easier

Predictable routinesof the baby, acceptable behaviour of a 2nd time mom and the baby give less anxiety to the 2nd time mom.

Knowing its ok that you cannot be one of those perfect book moms is a consolation. Seeing your first child grow quickly and the you know the 2nd is going to follow.

Ofcourse each child is different.

Pranav became an extremely easy baby to handle once he crossed the first month. We did not rock him to sleep....just placed him in our shoulders and would close his eyes and now that he is 3 months, i am training him to sleep on his own. I pu him in bed, give him a rolled blanket and leave the room. he would do 2 things in 5 minutes, either go to sleep or whine. If he whines, then i go in to pat him and once whining stops, go out again and invariably he falls asleep. I cannot seem to justify how well this technique works and 3 months is the time to start. Hard lessons learnt with Siddhant until 8 months whom my DH and I used to pat him endlessly till he closed his eyes.
Ofcourse....those times are forgotten as he learnt to sleep by the time he was 10 months on his own...atleast it was better late than never :)